I want to "dictate" a "memo" to you... meet me in the supply closet in 5 minutes :-)

wtf were you thinking in that meeting today... if you can't think of anything smart to say, keep your damn mouth shut!

I'm sorry.  Really sorry.  So very sorry.  It will never happen again, I promise.

STOP FARTING!

Keep up the good work.  You da man!

Stop slacking, you slacking slacker!

See ya sucka! Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!!!

You forgot to include the cover sheet with your TPS report

1. "Sanitation consultants" don't wear Armani suits.
2. Stop banging your wife's sister. Yes, we all know.
3. I don't care if you want to poison yourself, but at least have the decency to wipe the blow off your nose.
4. When you're busted, go to the joint like a man and don't rat out your friends.
5. Someone in your position needs to smell classy.  Invest in a bottle of Old Spice.
6. When you're chopping off a thumb, get it right the first time, otherwise it's just plain embarassing.
7. Get rid of that damn cat.
8. Stop hanging around that cop friend of yours. I don't care if he's on the payroll.
9. After you whack somebody, get rid of them immediately.  Don't stop for a strip show and beer first, do it right away.
10. I don't know how many times I have to tell you - lyme, lyme, lyme!

How am I supposed to keep a straight face with you at work after what we did last night???